Cobain's writings reveal tortured soul

Billed as a "raw and unsettling" look at how Kurt Cobain "spiraled from an ambitious kid in a garage band to a disillusioned pop star with a deadly heroin addiction," the issue of Newsweek that arrived on stands Monday offers a first glimpse at the unedited journals of the late Nirvana bandleader.

The excerpts from 23 volumes of handwritten diary entries, letters, band memos and drawings-which will be published next month by New York's Riverhead Books-are not a pretty sight. Including such haunting thoughts as "I hope I die before I turn into Pete Townshend," they offer an unadulterated look into the mind of one of the most talented but troubled members of his generation.

"Oh Pleez GAWD I can't handle the success!" Cobain writes. "And I feel so incredibly guilty! For abandoning my true comrades who were the ones who are devoted who were into us a few years ago. And in 10 years when NIRVANA becomes as memorable as Kajagoogoo that same very small percent will come to see us at reunion gigs sponsored by Depends diapers, bald fat still trying to RAWK at amusement parks. Saturdays: puppet show, rollercoaster & Nirvana. ..."

Yet the books have an undeniable power. During an exclusive interview with the Sun-Times earlier this year, Cobain's always controversial widow, Courtney Love, brought out several volumes of the diaries for me to flip through, and the effect of reading the artist's stream-of-consciousness thoughts in his own hand was considerable. (Riverhead has wisely opted to shoot the original pages for exact reproductions.)

As with seemingly everything Nirvana-related, the journals have been a source of controversy. Many fans are condemning Love for publishing her late husband's private recollections, for which she was reportedly paid $4 million.

Cobain's former bandmates have been silent on the topic. Drummer Dave Grohl and bassist Krist Novoselic recently settled a lawsuit with Love over control of the band's legacy. (Their new agreement gives her more power over how Cobain will be marketed, at least until their 10-year-old daughter Frances Bean turns 18.)

Eric Erlandson, Love's former bandmate in Hole, was responsible for saving the books from the couple's house when curious fans were pilfering their belongings in the days following Cobain's suicide. He has said he does not think his friend would have ever wanted them to be shared with the public.

But in a 1993 interview for the Sun-Times, I asked Cobain if he'd ever considered doing a book of his poetry, a la Lou Reed's book of collected lyrics. "I usually end up using most of my poems in songs," he said. "But I would like to [do a book] some day."